Bringer, Bringer, Bringer

Lately, I have been getting tons of jobs to work as MC for bringer (amateur) shows. How it works is an amateur comic brings five of their friends as audience members and then gets seven minutes of stage time. I must be honest, not a lot of diamonds in the rough.

Biggest mistake is the Godawful introductions these comics give themselves. "This guy is the master of masturbation." Yeah, that’s a great way of turning off the crowd before you hit the stage. And plenty of the next guys are teachers, bankers, and even a funeral director from Conneticut. Who the fuck cares what you do for a day job.

The shows last three hours, which seems like an eternity and it really becomes work. What annoys me the most is the bringer who actually believes he is a big star or in the comedy business. What he doesn't understand is the word BRINGER is a bad word in the comedy world, and no one takes you seriously.

But this bastard kept complaining about when he was going up. Then started bragging about how he was moving to LA to further his comedy career. Umm, buddy, it’s much harder to get stage time in LA and you are still a freaking bringer. The clubs care more about you're friends then your comedy. Sad but true. And, low and behold this guy really stunk. Big Surprise.

Ok, enough complaining. I do enjoy MCing and I do enjoy when young comics pick my brain and ask me questions. I give them honest answers. Unfortunately, I use way too many cliches.

If they bomb, "Tomorrow is a new day and the sun comes out." Awww, I think I'm Tony Robbins.

Matty

I Can Be a Real Stubborn, Irrational, Dumb Ass

Last entry I bitched and moaned about a comic stealing my flyer idea. Tonight I confronted him and I went about it the wrong way. Truth is I was completely wrong. I let him know he was a copycat and that I wasn't happy. However, he did it out of flattery. I felt kind of stupid. Like I'm getting upset over something so trivial that it makes me look like a paranoid nebbish.

What I found out was the comic is a sincerely sweet guy who really liked me as a person and my stuff. He was really hurt by my dumb attack and I feel stupid and sorry. I will plug his website on my soon to be Favorite Links page.

I have more heckler problems. Probably a year ago I ignored hecklers or I tried to get them on my side. I don't know what happened. Now if someone says something to me I get really mad. It becomes a war between me and them. Last night this drunk older lady wouldn't shut up. She first made a comment on my looks and then cringed after every joke. She kept saying, "I think I'm going to be sick."

So I let her have it. For a good minute I told her that I wished she would die and she would crawl back into the sewer where she came from. I said some more kind words but I can't even remember. My point is, I'm letting these people get to me. I also should be back in therapy but it’s damn expensive.

Anyway, I'm going to control myself and not be so abrasive. I'm venting my anger the wrong way. I also need to start doing yoga again. That certainly helped.

Matty

Blatantly Ripped Off!

Comedy is about individuality. It’s telling your story or expressing how you feel. When I first started comedy a veteran comic gave me great advice on joke writing, "Talk about yourself and what you go through. It’s your life and no one can take your life away."

And, that’s what I've done. My life is what I talk about on stage. Now I have the website, and the genius behind my website and merchandise gave me these cool little flyers to hand out after my show with my face and the “Please Pardon My Appearance” slogan. The majority of comics gave me thumbs up on the idea. No other comic does it. I know some think it’s dumb but I'm trying to promote myself and my website as much as possible.

So, perhaps this was bound to happen, but another comic has made his own flyer extremely similar to mine. It’s the same size with his face like mine, his own slogan and his website address. It’s a blatant rip-off of my flyer. It shows lack of creativity on his part and makes him look like a copycat. And would you guess this? He passes them out after the show.

I got two calls from other comics telling me he is copying me. Maybe I'm overreacting but it feels like he is stealing one of my jokes. I'm kind of arrgghh, ugghhh. Just pissed right now. The guy knows me too and he didn't even ask me permission, or ask if I would be upset. He should feel really dumb because everyone knows he is ripping me off. I wish I could display the two flyers so we all know which one is the original and which one is lame.

I’ll confront him next time I see him. But dude, I'm pissed. He has to know that he ripped me off. Is he that stupid? OK, I'm ranting. People, I need you're feedback on this one. What should I do?

Matty

Out with the Boys

Just a quick note, to join my mailing list, head over to ME AND MY SCHEDULE, and fill out the info. I should be sending out an update about once a month with very important news you can't live without.

A while back, I wrote a blog about two comics getting banned from a club. Well, they are very close to coming back which happens most of the time in comedy. And, things could be back to normal. My favorite ritual was heading to an East Village diner for some late night grub. And, so there we were, chowing down and bullshitting about comedy and life.

While they were gone, I was being called a traitor because I didn't miss them. Part of me did and part of me didn't. They were loads of fun in the sense that they did nutty and crazy things to keep things interesting. At the same time, they enjoyed riding me and knew it got in my head. It was hard to deal with and I felt like I had something to prove every time they were around.

So I told everyone including them that I didn’t miss them, but somehow I became Benedict Arnold. By the way, not to digress but wouldn't dressing up as Benedict Arnold be a cool Halloween idea. Better yet if you are a girl, you could be Benedict Arnold's wife. That would be a cool idea.

Ok, back to reality. Point is, I love these guys and I hate them at the same time, but I have a different outlook. No longer will I let them get in my head and if they’re up for a late night bite, I'm always hungry. I guess…Welcome back guys but expect a new Matty.

Matty

A Comic Who Looked Like Me

I do a joke about running into a person who looks just like me. It’s scary to think about what they’re like, but it’s even scarier to know that there is a comic who looks just like me. And I think I found him.

I was hanging out at a comedy club during an amateur show and up popped a young guy who reminded me too much of myself. He had the glasses, the messy hair and he even topped me with a multi-colored blazer. His jokes were funny and he had so much confidence in who he was. I was kind of scared to watch.

So, we started talking and it got even stranger. We love the same music. We share many of the same ideals and we got along really well. He told me it was only his third show and he had this warm feeling of excitement. He has no idea of the bitterness and emotional pain that will come.

I told him that if he continued to be funny and moved up the ranks that we could not be friends. In fact, we might be enemies. He didn't follow my logic. I told him that comics who look alike can't be friends because eventually they compete for the same roles in movies. Also, comedy clubs use one guy to fill a certain niche. We would be filed under dorky geek with glasses category.

I told him my best comedy friend was a 250 lb. muscled up black guy with tons of tattoos. We are close because we are so different that we never compete for the same thing. Therefore it’s easy to root for each other. He finally understood. I will say this comic who looks like me is damn funny and honestly because of our similarities it was hard to watch him.

Matty