Late Night Spots; Just Paying My Dues

It’s one of those nights where I'm not booked anywhere, so I find myself hanging out at a comedy club waiting to go up last. I haven't done this in a long time. Felt the plight of performing for four or five people who usually don't want to be there. But I did it for two years. And it made me a stronger comic. Getting laughs is much harder and you really have to bring all your energy to a tired crowd.

But sometimes you lose these skills. And all the things you worked on to be a good late night comic doesn't help. So as I get on stage, the show has past its third hour. The crowd is almost stunned that yet another comic is coming up. They become hostages. It’s quite a rough scene. Four people are arguing over the bill as the waitress drops the check. This couple right in front of me are making out and it looks like they need a room really bad.

My set starts out slow but I start picking up momentum. My late night skills are coming back to me and I finish my 10-minute set feeling proud I made it worthwhile enough that the people would stay.

So I'm outside after the show and I see the lady who was making out with her boyfriend right by the stage. I thank her for staying and she tells me, "I just had sex in the bathroom with my boyfriend."

Wow, just what I needed to hear. I tell her I don't believe her, and then she starts getting defensive. "Ask my boyfriend, we just had a quickie."

Ok, if it means that much to her I believe her. He walks outside and says I did a nice job and offers to shake my hand. I tell him I heard what he just did and decline. They walk away as we say goodbye and I congratulate them.

If only you readers knew how gross the bathroom is at this certain comedy club. I know guys who are so grossed out they won't even pee in it.

I'm losing focus with this blog though. The main point is going up late ain't easy. It would be a beautiful movie scene though. The struggling comic purging his soul to an empty crowd full of distractions. Do you see the beauty?

Matty

The Ugliest Man Alive

So, I had a really good show tonight and when I do well I really appreciate the little things much more. I'm outside enjoying a beautiful August night. It feels great to be alive. Even better; two beautiful nineteen year old girls are talking to me and our little comedy crew. One of my fellow comics takes a liking to one of these young ladies. So, we invite them out to a late bite after the show. One problem, he has to run to another comedy club so it’s my job to entertain them. Now I don't relate to girls. Especially college girls but hey, I'll try.

So after a little small talk I find out the girls are from Boston and they are in town to shop and tomorrow the main focus will be on shoes. Interesting, I guess. I don't have much to add to that. What do I talk about next? School, (yawn) comedy (yawn, like they want me to do a bit on them or complain about the business). Somehow music came up. I told them how New York was better to see live music than Boston because there is no curfew.

Then one of the girls starts talking about obscure bands that we both like. Then it gets really weird. We start talking about this Boston band Bane. What is so interesting about them is not their music but the singer is really ugly. I mean really ugly. I shouldn't talk because I'm no George Hamilton but this guy is so ugly that you have to obsessively stare. I saw them open up for my friend's band a few years back and I just stared at him.

So, me and this girl spent all night talking about this guy's face. Likeis it beautiful because it’s so ugly? Does he wake up upset every morning? And then she said such a lie. He makes up for it in personality. Everyone yelled, "BULLSHIT."

Bottomline is I bonded with this girl because of this poor guy's ugly face.

I wish I had a link to this band's website. If anyone wants to put it up on the comments please do. The band is Bane, and check out the singer. Stare but don't stare too hard.

Matty