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If you guys haven't picked up the magazine The Comical, go to the website after you read this, www.thecomical.com, and check out my article. The site looks fantastic.

I was instant messaging an old friend from college and she asked me how stand-up was going and I told her I was performing at the Republican Convention. She believed me. I wish I was. I know I could squeeze some laughs from some good ol' boys.

I was watching Schwarzenegger's speech and the crowd was chanting "USA, USA , USA!" Dude, that’s what they chant at Wrestling matches when Hulk Hogan wrestles the Iron Sheik. How can you take this shit seriously?

At the same time, I'm tired of watching the news and seeing some hairy armpit chick being arrested. These protests are a waste of time and only helping W. The best thing that can happen is we all vote and Kerry pulls it out. I will do my part by voting for the first time ever. That’s right, I'm going to vote.

Comedy is going well. I've written a few new jokes for the show Friday. Once again it’s a free show at Jack Rabbit Slims. Check my schedule page for exact details. I really want to see a lot of friends there.

Matty

No Respect Or Am I a Crybaby

I went to visit my parents this weekend. It was the best thing for me. I needed to get away from comedy. I feel I've been slighted by a couple of comedy clubs and it was really frustrating. It pretty much comes down to feeling I deserve more then they are giving me. I also worry too much what other people are doing. These are things I have no control over and I should just relax. After this I'm going to do some yoga.

Tomorrow morning I go to the dentist to fill a cavity. I'm not that nervous but I know just cleaning my teeth hurt like hell. I really resent the dentist because she had me smile and asked if I wanted my teeth fixed. Which means, aren't you ashamed of your big buckteeth?

I got all proud and defensive and said, "I've had my teeth like this my whole life and I'm keeping them that way." Meaning I'm not a shallow ass and I'm proud of who I am. See the pic on my website of me eating chicken. I'm damn proud of that picture.

The republicans are in town but I have yet to see one. I guess they are scared to leave their hotels or something. The city is going to be a mess the next four days. I guarantee all the republicans will go to the Hershey store. It’s kind of dangerous being that chocolate isn't healthy yet much safer seeing a jew-homo play, like Rent.

I'm no one to judge on politics. I’m not even registered to vote. Plus, I read the NY Post for gossip and sports. I'm embarrassed to write that.

Everyone, I'm doing a free show at this bar at Jack Rabbit Slims, this Friday. That’s right, free. No drink minimum either. I’m doing twenty minutes and I guarantee I will be at my best. It’s also the return of performing with the Alienbrain, a man I truly love and admire. I'm one of the few who understands the brain. Ok, see you then.

Matty