US AND THEM

The election isn't over yet. As you can see I'm really hoping Kerry pulls it off. I'll just say we can analyze the election all we want. The debates, certain issues, etc. Bottomline is there is a whole vast country of conservatives out there. And there are more of them then us.

My best example. Two summers ago I did a road gin in the middle of Jersey. The crowd took one look at my pussy, jewish face, and they wanted to lynch me. I didn't get through one joke. My point is, this was freakn New Jersey. One-hundred miles south of liberal, New York City. Imagine all those other places like South Carolina, West Virginia? Lets face it. If you live in New York and you are used to the anti-Bush buttons, reading the Village Voice and walking in Chelsea.

I will digress. I was trying to talk politics with another comic. He said, "stick to reading your journal."

Back to School

Sunday I get a call to do a private show in which I have no idea what its for. I show up Monday and outside I see hundreds of high school students lined up. Uh Oh, good things I did all those prom shows. I think I'm just doing a ten minute spot and then I get the news they want me to host.

I hate mc-ing. I'm not really a good opening act, but there is no one else so I oblige. And of course the money doesn't hurt. So they pack in 180 high school juniors in the comedy club. Stuyvesant high school is fully represented and I'm glad to see most of the kids look like they enjoy doing homework and want to go to an ivy league school.

In the hallway one of the students sizes me up, "you a comedian?" he says.

I tell him I'm mc-ing. He warns me by saying his friends are rowdy so watch out. I let him know I've been on late-night shows where ghetto dudes have threatened to slice my nipples off. I'm not worried about a bunch of high school kids.

So I go up and I know I have to work hard. You can tell the kids want to be rowdy. Best thing to gain their respect is be funny and talk to them. Sounds obvious but as a comic you must execute.

So the show went great and there was a few big names who performed. These kids were really smart. They are all too young to vote though. And then came the conversation between me and the other comics if these girls were too young to look at. I'm being honest. We all came to the conclusion its wrong. But then we blamed it on society.

After the show talked to a few of the more talented chess players and they challenged me for money. I should warn you I'm 2-0 playing chess against other comics. I think I can take a few geeks from Stuyvesent. All I know was I was miserable at my high school. If I went here I'd probably enjoy it. You kids rule and you are the future of America. Ok, that was gay.

Evveryone remember to vote for Kerry.

MG