Why I love myself

The rest of the world may not love me, but here is why I love myself.

Got this e-mail from a girl comic in LA. She said, "Matty you are arrogant, cocky, crazy and really insecure all at the same time."

That was a beautiful description of myself. Its not easy being so full of one self and have real low self esteem all at the same time. Its an amazing battle that leads my mind to complete insanity.


This other girl wants to be comedy buddies with me. She is just starting out and wants to have some sort of support group with me. I don't have time for this. Unlike Rex Kwan Do, Matty flies solo. So the other night she text messages me with this message...

I'M AT THIS OPEN MIC FOR THE FIRST TIME. WHAT CLUB ARE YOU AT?

I don't want to answer this crap, so my reply is...

I HATE COMEDY

She comes back with...

YOU LIE

Ok, enough of this. I can't text all night. I think of the quickest way to end these texts. I come up with...

WHEN ARE WE GOING TO MAKE SWEET LOVE?

She replies,...

YOU ARE NOT WELL

I need to send one more text to end this...

SO ARE WE GONNA GET IT ON SWEETY OR NOT?

That did the trick. Have not heard from her since.

I got more examples. But I'm too tired. The world will never understand me but I love being me.


MG

Andrew Mice Clay

There is a bar I perform at weekly. The lameass bartender complained that the comics were insulting the patrons as they walked past the stage to use the bathroom. So not true, and if it was true this is New York. Some of these people have to thicken their skin up. Next week may be the last show and if it is, i will debut my comedy tribute show. Andrew Mice Clay. Thats right, I will do Dice's act as Andrew Mice Clay. And every fucker in the place will have it.


Mother Goose, I FUCKED HER. OO"HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH


cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger

Everybodys Workin for the Weekend

When I get free time lately I pretty much wanna be myself. This weekend was strange. Did three shows uptown and I found myself in a hostile with a whole bunch of college kids from Kansas. They took a liking to me and invited me back to their crappy room. We chatted for awhile about ghost stories and then I returned to my own little world. But peace to the dudes and dudettes from St. Mary's college in Kansas.

Yesterday filmed more of the movie then did two long sets which were great. I was performing all day on three hours sleep but alot of Coca Cola. Sleeping last night felt so good. Goddamn I wish I had more exciting stories. I promise this week, I will have Matty's frequently asked questions. Just real tired looking for the eyes on the prize. Then the fun begins.

MG

Everybodys Workin for the Weekend

When I get free time lately I pretty much wanna be myself. This weekend was strange. Did three shows uptown and I found myself in a hostile with a whole bunch of college kids from Kansas. They took a liking to me and invited me back to their crappy room. We chatted for awhile about ghost stories and then I returned to my own little world. But peace to the dudes and dudettes from St. Mary's college in Kansas.

Yesterday filmed more of the movie then did two long sets which were great. I was performing all day on three hours sleep but alot of Coca Cola. Sleeping last night felt so good. Goddamn I wish I had more exciting stories. I promise this week, I will have Matty's frequently asked questions. Just real tired looking for the eyes on the prize. Then the fun begins.

MG