matty's comedy journal

See Me in PA

2006-12-15T11:43:00.000-05:00

I'll be headlining tomorrow night at the Coliseum Comedy Club. This event is for charity, and not just that of putting food in the mouths of starving comedians. You will support a great cause and also get to see me creep you out on stage. How can you stay away?? Here's the info:

Toys-for-Tots Christmas Celebration
Coliseum Comedy Club
Saturday, December 16 @ 7:30pm
8565 Allentown Pike Road
Blandon , PA

For more info, visit: Coliseum Comedy Club

See ya there!!

matty g

COMICAL Holiday Show

2006-12-12T22:16:00.000-05:00

I'm performing for 'The Comical' magazine's holiday show this Thursday. I believe a few big special guests might be there, so be sure to pop in sometime that night!

The Comical Presents
Thursday, December 14 @ 7:30pm
Stand~Up New York
236 West 78th Street

For more info, visit:
Stand-Up NY or The Comical

Hope to see you there!!

You Could Be My Groupie!

2006-12-07T23:06:00.000-05:00

I just found out that I have a fan-club on Bebo.com. If you have an account on this site, please add me and become my groupie. It makes me feel like a rock star, which I enjoy. Hope to see you there and on MySpace, as well! Here are da addresses:

Bebo: Join My Fan Club! -
http://mattyg-fans.bebo.com

MySpace: See My Schedule & Giant Face! -
www.myspace.com/mattycomedy

Website: Masturbate to my Pictures! -
www.mattygoldberg.com

I like you! Do you like me?? - Matty :)

I was really sick

2006-09-20T04:58:00.000-04:00

If you saw me in Boston this weekend, you might of been able to tell I was really sick. Nasty flu. On stage, sweat was seeping into my eyes. But I was a trooper and did my thing. It was quite a nasty scene in the hotel room though. I was under the covers shaking.

I feel much better if anyone cares, and I have a big show tonight at the Improv. Thats Sep, 20 at 9pm at the NY Improv. If you are in the city say my name and get in free. For those of you who can't get enough of me, there are videos floating around on you tube. Just go to www.Youtube.com and search my name.

Oh,m I'm on my space. www.myspace.com/mattycomedy

Hope all is well.

Matthew

A few updates

2006-08-31T14:30:00.000-04:00

I have a few big shows coming up that I am excited about. September 15, I will be in Boston at the Comedy Vault to celebrate the Comical magazine. I don't have the address on me but if you google the comedy vault or Boston Comedy festival, you will find it. I do meet a lot of people from the New England area so, if you read this for some reason, its a perfect time to catch me.

September, 20 I have a really big show at the Improv in New York City. It starts at 9 and if you mention my name at the door you get in free. All I have to say is this show is important and will be big.

I'm doing a small photo shoot for new pics on this website. Expect them to be goofier then they are now.

Alcahol is real bad. Enough with the JD and enough with the CHAMPAGNE!!!

You can fine me on myspace. www.myspace.com/mattycomedy

and you can book me through www.GinaSavageManagement.com

hope everyone enjoyed their summer. I sure did.

MG

Wonderful Wild Weekend

2006-08-21T05:33:00.000-04:00

I just want to say to the wonderful people of Baltimore, it was an awesome fucking weekend. And thanks to Rob Cantrell for taking me to Baltimore and letting me take off my shoes in his hotel room. He was quite stunned I don't wear socks. There were some real fun moments.

To Kat and her cousin, what the hell happened?

To the girl who was getting married and her lesbian mom and slutty friends, I wish you a beautiful wedding.

To the big black guy who passed out on a Friday midnight show who threatened to kick my ass, I'm coming for you.

To the nerdy, jewish lawyer with the sexy girlfriend, lets keep in touch.

And most important to the staff at the Baltimore Comedy factory who embraced me and let me do my thing; thank you so much.

It was an awesome weekend.

I'm gonna eat some crabs and hopefully get some

2006-08-14T19:53:00.000-04:00

Thats right I'll be in Baltimore this Thursday to Saturday. Its at the Baltimore Comedy Factory. I'm doing one show Thursday and three on Friday and Saturday. Anyone in the Maryland and DC area should go. Does anyone read this. According to the web statistics, people do so I will keep writing these blogs. If there is a crazy story, I'll be sure to tell it.

I started a bad habit of drinking a little. Damn its addictive. i just love that Champagne.

hey, make me a friend on my space. www.myspace.com/mattycomedy

and book me somewhere

www.GinaSavageManagement.com

Free Lunch

2006-08-01T12:34:00.000-04:00

I know things are going good for me because lately, I've been getting alot of free meals. Thats right, people are whining and dining me. It feels damn good. Going to these meetings and thinking I have no money how am I going to pay for this. Then the bill comes and The other person clearly lets me know its on them. What a sigh of relief. I hope many more to come at more expensive restaraunts.

Its August 1st, and its damn hot outside. My personal life took a hit but I feel ok. I just need the stage to get shit off my mind. Thank god I have that.

I'm on my space. wwww.Myspace.com/mattycomedy

and check out www.GinaSavageManagement.com

Watch a clip

2006-07-11T12:53:00.000-04:00

For those of you who can't get enough of me, you can watch a clip of my stand-up at www.GinaSavageManagement.com

Also you can book me or hire me for whatever or whomever through that website.

I'm also on myspace. www.myspace.com/mattycomedy

hope all is well and everyone is enjoying the summer. Lately my emotions are like an out of control rollercoaster, but hey thats making my comedy even better.

mg

Hangin with Dutchie

2006-06-28T04:56:00.000-04:00

Some of you may know my second love of life is poker. Can't get enough of Texas hold em. So it was great to hang out with Professional poker player Dutch Boyd. www.dutchboyd.com.

Quite an interesting guy he was. We discussed the parallels of poker and comedy. And he was insane as me. So we got along really well. I wish him loads of luck at this years World Series of Poker.

I'm doing a really cool show this Thursday at Leila Lounge in Brooklyn, NY. Here are the details.

Leila Lounge
North 7th and berry
June 29, 8pm

take L to Bedford ave.

to see my complete schedule, go to www.myspace.com/mattycomedy

Why do I get booked for this kind of stuff?

2006-06-05T05:39:00.000-04:00

I got called to do a show for jewish high school students on a Saturday afternoon. Students ranging from 13-18. I have to be super clean and not only that, the majority of my act is about not getting laid. So no sexual inuendos either. Yet I had to do what I had to do and still my material was pretty racy. How did I know? Everytime I did a racy joke, the rabbi would stare me down. Oh the guilt. Oh the shame.

In all it was still alot of fun. Thge older kids got me, and the younger ki8ds saw a disgrace tyo the jewish race.

MG

Fleet Week

2006-05-30T02:00:00.000-04:00

This weekend the Navy was in NYC which meant plenty of shows to drunken sailors. They are a great audience and I would love to perform for military bases or possibly overseas. I really thought they were going to hate me, but if you dirty up your act. Even the Navy ladies were great.

I also went to a wedding last night for one of my high school chums and alcahol got the best of me. No more drinking for Matty. I'm sticking to prescription pills. Remember to make me a friend on my space. And my full schedule is up. Here is the link.

www.myspace.com/mattycomedy

Whats been going on?

2006-05-22T02:41:00.000-04:00

Here are a few snippets of whats been going on in my life.

Everytime I do a show and I get free drinks, I get drunk and make an ass of myself. If anyone books me, soft drinks only.

After a show this girl tells me I'm funny. She was really cute. Before I could even say thank you, she says, "but I'm not going to fuck you."

Is that the vibe I give off?

I quit comedy for two hours last week. Then came out of retirement. No press covered it.

I did a show for all these yuppy Cornell guys and I was mean to them. They deserved it, they were doing coke in the bathroom.

Thats all I can think of for now. When my space fixes itself, you can check out my schedule on www.myspace.com/mattycomedy

Schedule

2006-05-08T18:56:00.000-04:00

I went home to visit my parents and celebrate my grandma's birthday. Very peaceful but most important my parents have the baseball package. Got to watch the Sawx. Now my mom is a huge Red Sox fan and its nuts. She is pissed off at David Ortiz because he was 0-10. Thats a true Sox fan.

Oh, my schedule will be up on myspace.com. Go to wwww.myspace.com/mattycomedy

It will be up tomorrow. Ok, I'm back in the city and have a show at New York comedy club tonight. just like old times.

Schedule

2006-05-08T18:50:00.000-04:00

The good Dr.

2006-04-23T01:35:00.000-04:00

I got real drunk Thursday night. So it was drunk dial time. Only thing is, I don't just drunk dial just one person or some ex-gitl. I drunk dial everyone. From A-Z on my phone. It lasted twenty minutes before my sister called me back and begged me to go to sleep. My night was over.

I'm dogsitting for my good friend Dr. J. Or Dr. Mueller. This dude is an emergency room Dr. at Bellvue and he saved my life. Well I'm making this more dramatic then it is. But this summer I got real dizzy and he took me in at Bellvue Hospital and really took care of me. I didn't even have to wait. That was a crazy day in my life. I woke up dizzy. 2 p.m I''m in the emergency room on an IV. I have a show that night, and any person would cancel it and go home and rest. But I didn't want the vertigo to ruin what I loved to do.

So at 7 pm, DR. J pulled out the IV and I stumbled into a comedy club. I could barely walk ten feet, but I still managed to do well on stage. I then went home and passed out.

I met DR J. at a comedy show. He loved my act and took one of my coin phrases at his job. In one of my jokes I say, "business as usual for Matty."

Now everytime someone comes into his emergency room all dishiveled, he says "business as usual for Matty." its caught on.

H"e has two awesome dogs. Stella and Roland. They have to be near me every second. Oh, and they wrestle all day long too.

Dr. J just got engaged to a lovely, I can't wat for the wedding.

Its really good to have a friend like J. When he helped me out in the hospital I was so thankful and I told him that my profession was meaningless. "he just shook his head and said that he envied me and he would love to make people laugh. That meant so much.

OK, I'm getting quite emotional. The next blog will be about creeping out girls or something.

Saturday night

2006-04-13T17:41:00.000-04:00

For those of you wondering what happened on my birthday show, here is what happened. I did my set. My sister brings out a birthday cake on stage and I naturaly wish for World Peace. Then some chick from the crowd grabs me and we start to kiss. We kiss some more. Then someone tells me that her fiance was sitting with her and watching the whole time. It was quite sureal. I thought he was going to kill me but he didn't say anything. Maybe he still didn't see me as a threat. Well, it was quite nuts.

Oh yeah, Dan Marino's son was there too.

2 places to see me this Saturday

10:00 pm
"Underground Lounge
107 & Broadway

11:30
Improv Cafe
53rd and 8th

find me on myspace

www.myspace.com/mattycomedy

it might have been a comedy first

2006-04-09T14:25:00.000-04:00

If anyone who was at the improv cafe last night, you what im talking about. For those of you weren't, lets just say for some reason when I'm on stage, girls do crazy things. Thats all I can say. Once again this blog is a tease, but I'm sorry.

I had a wonderful birthday. Thanks to all who came out to support me. Made me feel good.

To all my family and friends, I love you all. Its time to make more good shit happen.

BIRTHDAY SHOW

2006-03-25T20:44:00.000-05:00

OK, its official. My birthday show will be at the Improv on Saturday, April, 8 at the improv Cafe. I believe it will be free. Its at 11:30 and I'll go on sometime around midnight. This will be a special show. Its a tradition that I hit the bottle on this show. Last year I threw a whole bottle of water on a patron. Also, many old high school chums come out to see me. Some of these guys used to kick my ass in high school. Now they come to laugh at me and date my sister. Also a very special guest might be attending.

For those of you who live in Secacus, New Jersey, I'll be there this Thursday. I'll have more details on Monday.

I've noticed that the number of people viewing this website has immensely jumped. I appreciate it. And if you have something nice to say, drop me a line.

me@mattygoldberg.com

www.myspace.com/mattycomedy

The greatest quote i heard

2006-03-20T05:28:00.000-05:00

So many times in comedy we want to let somebody have it. We want to tell someone how we really feel. I lways want to yell at a manager or a booker if I don't feel like I'm being treated properly. But thanks to yoga I've calmed down and have kept my emotions in check. Then when a fellow, friend comic started ripping on other people, my brother in law quoted the greatest quote I have yet to hear that I will always abide by.

To quote Agatha Christie, "The truth is often desirable, but not always advisable."

Before I tell someone off or say something bad about somebody, I will think about this quote. Words to live by.

Ok, its working

2006-03-06T15:13:00.000-05:00

Now my e-mail is working so please write to me@mattygoldberg.com

E-mail

2006-03-05T16:55:00.000-05:00

Sometimes I get e-mails from people who say they saw me and say I'm funny. Sometimes from bookers and every once in awhile a girl who digs my teeth. Most of the time I get e-mails for penile enlargements. So why am I writing this? My e-mail account is broken and I don't know why. So I haven't returned any letter in the past few days. If you want to contact me, try SpeaktomeMattyg@yahoo.com

Or make me friend on my space.

www.Myspace.com/mattycomedy

Hope my mail works soon.

MG

Back from vegas and ready to rock

2006-03-02T14:46:00.000-05:00

I had quite a weekend in Las Vegas. Not exactly the ideal place to live, but enough poker, and floozy women to get me through 48 hours. I was at a bachelor party for an old high school chum, and man did we tear up the time. Well not reall'y. But plenty of good food and great memories made it a great little get away. I really needed it. Didn't think about comedy. Didn't take any calls d get in for relating to comedy.

Now I'm back in freezing New York ready to do my thing on stage. Until another vacation comes. So Saturday, you should all come out and see me. Here are two good shows of your choice.

March 4, 8pm @ New York Comedy club
March 4, 11:30pm Improv Cafe

Mention my name and get in for free.

MG

The most useless and uninteresting blog ever

2006-02-22T05:10:00.000-05:00

I'm having a great day. Don't want it to end.

MG

Its a Sign from the dark

2006-02-10T05:53:00.000-05:00

Sometimes we are blessed by a higher power and sometimes black magic kicks in. A woman who frequents comedy clubs told me that by the power of the Ouiji board, my name came up as the next big star in the future. Wow. What do you say to that? Its not exactly hard evidence, but I'll take it.

I'm just hoping she didn't mean my name came up as the next comic to die.
I'm lucky I dodged that bullet.

But a little advice to all; stay away from the Ouiji board those things are freaky.